Matte Koibito!
by Suni Daughter of Moro
Summary: Hiei's trying to get Kurama to join him by forcing Alicia to persuade him. However, though Alicia realizes she's only a tool to him, she has fallen in love with Hiei. How will the cold-hearted demon react? (Approximately 1-2 years before the series)
1. What would you say if I said I love you?

Matte, Koibito!

My love for Hiei grew stronger every day. I loved him so much and he didn't even know. I didn't want him to leave and I knew he would if I told him. Still... my heart longed to be free of its secret.

Hiei sat beside me on the dock. We met out on the dock near my home about once a week. His only objective was to use me as a connection to Kurama; he had no interest in even being allies, much less friends, and even less lovers. He just saw me as a way to achieve his goals and he admitted to it too. So why did I feel this way about him?

How I wished I could satisfy my desire to answer that question but I found no answer, so I continued to ponder it. Hiei seemed to be lost in thought himself so what was wrong with slipping into deep deliberating thought? However, Hiei and I were opposites in action and once I fell into deep thought, he was coming out of it.

"So, do you think you can persuade Kurama to join me?" Hiei suddenly asked, shattering the serene silence.

"He isn't Yoko Kurama anymore," I laid down and looked up at the sky. "He isn't a thief anymore. I don't think he'll come with you."

"Those pitiful humans must be happy with themselves," Hiei muttered bitterly. "They managed to take one of the greatest demon thieves of all and turn him into one of _them_."

"I do not appreciate your tone of superiority Hiei," I said. "Humans are capable of much more than you are."

"You're wrong. No pathetic human could ever even be capable of what I am, much less more than I'm capable of," Hiei replied.

"Humans are capable of the same vile acts as you- hatred, violence, murder, thievery... and we are capable of good things- far better things than you could ever hope for. We are capable of love, for one."

"You speak as if you're one of them," he looked down at me with a puzzled glance.

"I _am _a human, Hiei. You of all people should know that," I answered as I sat up. "I am capable of far more than you, as well... from violence to friendship... from murder to love."

"You're a broken record, woman," Hiei murmured.

"The _name_ is Alicia," I insisted. "Why aren't you capable of love, Hiei?"

"Pathetic humans and their stupid questions...," Hiei growled. "You really want to know? I am not capable of love because nobody ever showed me love. Even my own mother hated me. How could I learn to love if no one loved me?"

"He's serious...," I thought. "Hiei," I asked softly, "do you want to be loved?"

He knew better than to try the silent routine with me. Hiei was smart enough to know I was not satisfied with a reply of bitter silence. "I don't know," Hiei answered. "Maybe I want to be loved and maybe I don't. How can I know?"

My courage grew and my heart's desire to tell him my secret grew as well. I decided to tell him while the moment still seemed right. "Hiei, what would you say if I said I loved you?"

He looked up at me, wide-eyed. Then he blinked twice and, before I realized it, he had vanished. My one shot at happiness went with him.

I got up and headed back to my house. My heart torn in two, I had nothing better to do than to go inside and lay in bed- lay in bed and cry.

As I laid there sobbing I kept repeating the same two questions, crying even harder when the answers didn't come to me. Why did I love him? Why did it hurt so much when he left? He was just a man, after all. I never cried over losing a man before- with the exception of when we lost Kuronue but that was different. When I lost Kuronue, I lost a father-figure; when I lost any other man, I lost a boyfriend. A boyfriend was nothing to cry over.

It hurt so much. Why did it hurt? He was just a man- nothing to cry over. Why did it hurt?

The phone rang and I rose from my bed. I dried my tears and picked up the receiver. "Hello?"

"Hi Alicia," Kurama said. "Are you okay? You sound like you've been crying."

"Oh, hi Kurama. I'm fine. So what's up?" I asked.

"I'm going downtown with some of my friends from school tomorrow. I called to see if you wanted to come with us," he replied.

"Yeah sounds li-- On second thought Kurama, I can't. I have somewhere to be tomorrow."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. Hey Kurama," I said. "Do you remember where the portal is?"

"The portal? To the Makai? Yes but why do you ask?"

"Because that's where I need to go tomorrow. So where is the portal?"

"It's right in the back of your closet, Alicia," he chuckled. "Takes a good few knocks head to forget something that close, doesn't it?"

"More like a dozen," I replied. "God, I'm such a ditz for forgetting that."

"Take it easy on yourself Alicia. It's just a portal which we haven't used in fifteen years. It's not like it's a priceless jewel you just put down in front of you two seconds ago," Kurama said.

"I have a right to be angry with myself, Kurama," I said, picking up a necklace Kurama had given to me when we were still thieves. "I did lose a priceless jewel today."

"You didn't lose the necklace did you?" he asked nervously.

"No. I was using a metaphor. I really lost a guy."

"So is that what you were crying about?" Kurama queried with concern.

"Yes but don't worry about it. I'll call you when I get back, okay? I'm heading out to the Makai now," I said to him. "Goodbye, Kurama."

I threw open the door to my closet and searched the floor for the portal. I found the loose floorboards, pulled them up, and jumped in. Next I knew I was in the Makai.

"Matte, Koibito," I whispered to the air. "I can't let you go, Hiei. I don't know why but I can't let you go."

Hiei's chi was very distinct and easy to sense. It took me a mere matter of seconds to track down his energy signal and pinpoint his location. Then, I was off. Roaming the redoubtable and varying landscapes of the Makai in search of my love... it didn't really sound like something I'd do and yet here I was doing it.


	2. What would you say if I kissed you?

Matte, Koibito!

I came upon Hiei on the outskirts of the ice world of the Makai. He was standing in a tree that overlooked the small village where the ice demons lived. I slowly and delicately walked up behind him, being careful not to cause any sudden sounds or movements that would cause him to go away.

"Hello Hiei," I whispered when I had gotten within reach of him. He turned to me quickly, surprised. "Did you expect me to stay behind? Did you think I wouldn't care enough to follow?"

"I almost wish you hadn't," Hiei went to jump off the branch but I grabbed hold of his arm.

"Ah but if you only _almost_ wish it, a part of you does feel relieved to see me. Please, stay?"

"Fine," Hiei sat down on the branch and I sat beside him.

"I brought some food with me. Want a sandwich or something?" I offered.

"Why in the world did you choose to love me?" he ignored my question and asked his own.

"Well, I didn't just like my mother didn't choose to love my father. It just happens, Hiei. No one chooses who they fall in love with."

"I can't believe I'm listening to this human garbage..." he grumbled.

"You know, my last incarnation was a demon who never spoke to humans and she said this exact same thing to Kurama over a hundred and fifty years ago," I objected.

"Come with me. I want to show you something," Hiei got up and jumped over to the next tree. I followed along as he continued to lead me from tree to tree, closer to the village of the ice demons.

It was about half of a mile from the village when he halted. Quietly, he said to me, "Look down."

I looked down and saw an adorable ice demon. She appeared to be a slight few years younger than me, if her age was put on a human scale, and she had mint green hair and reddish brown eyes. She sat within a circle of animals that all seemed to trust her greatly. She was obviously a very nice person.

"That," Hiei said softly. "That is my sister."

"Your sister?" I asked. "So you're an ice demon, Hiei?"

"Not quite. Thanks to the Jagan Eye, I retain very little of my ice demon nature, if any of it."

"That's a shame," I sighed. "Hiei, why did you run from me?"

"I didn't run," he objected.

"Then what did you do?"

"Okay, I did run," he admitted.

"Are you afraid of me because I love you?"

"I don't know," Hiei growled.

"Would you be afraid... if I kissed you?" I asked.

"I'll see you later," he brushed off the subject and disappeared again.


	3. Can I hug you?

Matte, Koibito!

I spent the night in the Makai. I slept in the one place I never wanted to see again because it brought back the memory of death - I slept in the same cave where Kurama and I lived with Kuronue. It wasn't a pleasant night, though it wasn't as terrible as I expected.

I awoke in the morning to the strange aura of yoki I knew all too well. Sitting up, I saw him standing at the entrance of the cave, looking out at the sunrise.

"This is quite a hard place to find. But, then again, it was about time I sought you out for a change," Hiei turned to me.

"So you really do want me around, don't you?" I teased.

"No, I'd just rather be the stalker than being the one who is stalked," he answered bluntly.

"Stalker? Hiei, I wasn't stalking you. The only time I was near you was when we were talking," I insisted.

"Regardless, it's time for a change of pace. Last time I told you about my past. Now you tell me about yours," Hiei came over and sat down beside me.

"Alright. What do you want to hear about?"

"You could start with this cave. It's so well-hidden that I'm certain you must have been here before if you were able to find it."

"Very well then," I sighed. "I used to live here, along with Kurama and his old partner Kuronue. They were the best of friends and I loved the two of them like crazy. I never had real parents, so Kurama and Kuronue were the closest thing I had to a mother and father, though it was more like father and big brother."

"So, I know what happened to Kurama. Now, what happened to Kuronue?" Hiei asked.

"Kuronue-san... was very attached to this one little treasure he had once looted from a palace. It was a necklace - a blood red pendant on a silver chain. One day, we botched things up on a mission and we were pursued. Kuronue-san's pendant broke and he refused to let it go. He ran back to get it and was slain."

"How old were you then?"

"I was only five, I believe - possibly four. Why do you ask?"

"Did you see it happen?"

"Yes. I refused to leave because I wanted to rescue him but Kurama wouldn't let me go back. So I stood there helplessly, watching the blood drain from his wounds and the life leave his body. It was only after I was sure he was dead that I finally consented to leaving."

"Isn't it an old human saying that childhood trauma builds character?"

"Was that a complement, Hiei?"

"Take it as you like," he said. "So, this man Kuronue, you were really close with him, were you?"

"Indeed. Kurama's always taken more of a big brother's role in my life but Kuronue... I think he actually saw me as his own daughter. I think that's why he let me have the sister pendant."

"Sister pendant?" Hiei queried.

"This," I reached into my pocket and pulled out the icy blue pendant on the silver chain, "is the sister pendant to that fiery gem I mentioned Kuronue was so attached to. When we looted that castle, Kuronue refused to give up either of the pendants to Kurama. He practically gave away his entire share in the rest of the loot in order to keep those two pendants. Then, when Kurama went to bed, Kuronue gave me the blue pendant and told me to keep it with me no matter what. He always insisted that one day the pendant would bring me good luck. After his caused his death, I wasn't so sure anymore. I even considered throwing it away... but I didn't."

"Why did you keep it?"

"Because... if Kuronue said it will bring good luck one day, then, God damn it all, it's gonna bring me that good luck one day," I laughed a bit. "It's the kind of man Kuronue was - even if he has to make some shady deal with someone in the after life in order to make it happen, he'll make sure I get that good luck."

"You seem upset. I think I've asked too many questions here today," Hiei stood up. "Go back to the human world, you understand?"

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I can't stand the feeling that you could be watching me every minute," he said bitterly.

"I understand. I'll go back. Kurama's probably worried by now anyway," I got up and gathered together the few things I had with me.

"Alicia?"

"Yes, Hiei?"

"I know this is a stupid question, but... can I hug you?"

"Of course," I smiled.

Hiei rather awkwardly wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. Then he let go and began to head for the cave entrance.

"You know what this means, don't you?" I teased. "Everything that's happened today - it all points to one thing - you're starting to have feelings for me too."

"Who says I didn't already?" Hiei paused in the entryway.

I blushed. For a moment, I was speechless but then I grinned and said, "You better come visit me more often now! At least twice a week, you hear?"

Hiei disappeared and I set out for the human world again. Little did I know, Kurama was anxiously awaiting my return just on the other side of that portal.


	4. Um, no question in this one really

Matte, Koibito!

Hiei came to visit on the following Tuesday. I was quite surprised that he took me seriously when I told him that he had to visit me at least twice a week. I was happy to see him, though, so I gladly invited him in. I offered him something to eat and drink but he refused. We sat in the living room and talked for a bit.

"You remind me of someone and I don't know why," Hiei suddenly said.

"Really?" I asked as I put down my tea.

"As I said, I don't know why that is. You aren't nearly as stupid as she was or as hyperactive," Hiei admitted.

"So, who is she?"

"When I was growing up, there was another ice demon who used to pester me for entertainment. It was clear she just wanted to be 'friends' but I found her annoying. She never stopped following me."

"I knew I recognized you from somewhere," I murmured to myself.

"What's that?" Hiei asked.

"I was the 'ice demon who used to pester you for entertainment.' That was my last life - Hikari of Ice."

"Now I know why you remind me of her."

"You liked her, didn't you? You refused to admit it, but you really liked the idea that there was at least one person in the world who didn't fear you. You liked the idea that someone could see you as a regular person."

"I would have," Hiei admitted, "if it weren't for the fact that she always had that damned annoying grin on her face."

"She says... she smiled for you. She smiled for you, because you never smiled," I relayed the message to him with a small solemn smirk on my face.

"Ridiculous," he growled.

"So, Hiei, I was quite surprised when you admitted you liked me. Why do you like me?"

"I suddenly need a reason?" Hiei asked.

"Well, no, not really. It's just... well... I figured my feelings would be unrequited. After all, you're infamous and I'm just some Jane Doe from the human world."

"Just to let you know," Hiei looked me in the eye, "you're more infamous than the King of Thieves himself."

"Now that's a surprise," I sipped my tea. "I wonder why I'm so infamous when all I did was assist."

"It's also common knowledge that you used to work with the shinobi. They say you merely assisted them, as well, but you kept the shinobi in line."

"I did but since when does the great Hiei believe what he hears third-hand?"

"When I couldn't sense an end to your energy. When we first met, I tried to calculate your power. It appears to be limitless."

"Close enough. I've got very strong, varied powers. That energy is demonic, human, and even divine," I stated simply.

"Divine? What does that mean?" he blinked.

"I have the powers of my former goddess self."

"Talk about all the powers of heaven and hell," Hiei retorted.

"That almost sounded like a joke, Hiei," I giggled softly.

"Did it? It wasn't intentional," his crimson eyes shut as he rested his head on his hand.

"Hiei, I've been thinking... I practically told you my childhood and all you told me about was your sister," I admitted.

"There's not much else to tell. I was the Forbidden Child so I was pretty much thrown out. I survived and carried on and here I am today."

"Seems like such a shame. You really want notoriety don't you? And you just can't seem to get it..."

"I don't need you teasing me about it," he said gruffly.

"I don't mean to tease, Hiei. It's just a shame is all. Infamy fell right into my lap when I was trying to avoid it and yet you're striving to achieve it and you're not making much of a name for yourself."

"You still sound like you're mocking me," Hiei bitterly insisted.

I fell silent. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound like that."

Hiei looked up, surprised.

"I really shouldn't have phrased it like that. I'm sorry."

"You really don't want all that villainy, do you? You just want to be normal," he noted.

"Not quite normal. I'd never trade in my kick-ass powers for anything," I laughed slightly, "but I do somewhat want to be normal."

"You know... I suppose at one time I wanted to be normal too. I wanted to fit in. Then, I finally woke up to reality - no one would ever _let_ me fit in. That's why I decided to change my goals."

"How do you feel about fitting in with the freaks?" I queried. He shot me a strange glance. "Well you damn well better know by now that _I _accept you... and I'm sure Kurama will like you. You can be a normal freak, just like us!"

"Normal freak - isn't that an oxymoron?" he narrowed his eyes.

"No, it's a paradox - something that looks like an oxymoron but is actually possible," I nodded, a scholarly tone to my voice.

"You're such a know-it-all," Hiei said. "You might be too smart for me."

"Too smart, hm? Who says I've gotta be the dumber one between us?"

"I didn't say that. Besides, I was only joking."

"Good, because I really was going to take this to my head a few times," I chuckled. Hiei finally noticed the huge flashlight I was holding. "Ha ha, I've lost so many brain cells this way that I've actually grown fond of the process."

"You certainly are an odd one," he stated bluntly.

"Likewise, Hiei," I responded.

"I'll be going now," Hiei got up and headed for the door. "I'll see you again on Friday."

"What? So soon? You'll really come back this Friday?" I blinked.

"Well that is a half a week away, right? Twice a week - you said that yourself."

"I did, didn't I? Oh well, I'm certainly not complaining. Goodbye Hiei."


End file.
